The Good Hearted

If you saw a car on the side of a dark deserted road with the hazard lights flashing and or someone trying to wave down help, would you stop? Would it make a difference if it was day time? Would it make a difference if the stranded was male or female? I hate that my answer to that first question was "No". I wouldn't stop, I would fear for my own safety. Makes me feel selfish and uncaring. Who's to blame for the way I answered?  Myself and being selfish? Things I've see with my own eyes? the news? Movies? Media influences a lot of how we see others. So badly to the point that we ourselves overlook the sheer innocence in someone actually in need. You see so much ugliness, hate, and violence in the news you can't help but build up a guard around yourself against anyone and everyone.

Sadly you slip up one time and it could cost you your life or if not that extreme then some kind of long term psychological damage. You always tell yourself that you would like to do more that doesn't physically reward you for doing a good deed but just getting satisfaction that you made a difference in someone's life. Doing something for someone else just because it was the right thing to do. In all honesty it doesn't go unrewarded. Depends on how you define being rewarded. To fill your heart with knowing that you did something good for someone else is a reward on it's own.

The world is filled with caring people. People that choose to be Doctors, Firefighters, Police Officers, etc. Although I haven't lost all faith in humanity it is waning thin. You watch the violence in the news but then you see heart touching wonderful acts carried out by people and it puts the hope right back in there. But wishing that everyone around you has good intentions is just kidding yourself.
I do understand why everyone is always concerned when I choose to catch the bus in the wee hours of the morning or late at night. Is it my comfort and trust level of the people around me that I will never stop attempting to do things by myself? Or just plain ole stupidity? No matter how much I think I can take care of myself if something terrible does happen, We all know in majority of the situations that you see happen to people, I will be gravely wrong. But I don't carry a purse. And what I do carry in my backpack will at least give me a fighting chance. See right there! How sad that in this day and age that is considered smart. To need to "protect" yourself against other human beings.

Tattoos at work

I've always had a problem with this topic.
Though not in the sense that you would think.
First off, I'm going on almost 15 years since my first tattoo and I've been working for about 17. So majority of my working life has been in long sleeves. I am used to it and I have no problem with it. Cut knee socks have been a part of my work uniform forever, to the point where I call them my "arms". Seriously people at work know what I'm talking about when I say "I lost an arm!" and I'm holding up only one sock sleeve.
I understand when people make comments like the one I got today at work, people are not offended by tattoos, but they simply are trying to be nice and let you know that jobs that oppress such freedom of individuality are "bullshit" ... that was my customer's words, not mine. If you didn't understand what I just said, my customer was upset FOR me, not AT me.
My answer is always "Oh no, it's alright." and I give a reassuring smile, Cuz seriously, it is OK. I'm used to it. That will never change, you will never EVER have a time where every single job in the world will allow you to work with the public and be allowed to have your tattoos visible.
As much as I understand it and I do respect a job's dress code/appearance policy, yes I do wish it would change. But I know it won't and I'm OK with that. I don't go around saying "We'll this job makes me cover up my tattoos and take out my piercings. Fuck that, I won't do it" boo hoo waaah waaaahhh, too bad so sad. You know what's an easy fix for that. quit and find a job that will let you do what you want if it bother's you so much.
But in all honesty, I do think that jobs should focus more on their loyal, reliable employees with good work ethic rather then how the individual chooses to express themselves. So many ways to harmlessly do that, from said tattoos, piercings, hair coloring. It hurts no one physically and is never a safety infraction but it's the image of the company you represent that is the issue. You could be the most loyal, clean cut, well dressed person at your job covered in tattoos and you will be asked to change. Then you have someone who personal hygiene isn't at the "top" of their list, complains all the time and not one tattoo but the company doesn't look twice at them.
But guess what, in the end, and I'm really disappointed and confused at myself for feeling this way:  The ones that I am annoyed with the most, are the ones that constantly get upset at my job for having me cover up my arms and take out my piercings. Like I said before it's a person's choice to work for a company that has rules and a dress code. If they don't like it, they can quit... simple.
Just like jobs will never fully accept body art in any forms in my life time, we are not past family generations that fully accept it as well. This is a funny story to me, several years ago, one of my Aunties commented on my chest tattoo. "Why skulls? Is that for the devil?" That wasn't a joking question either. She was dead serious with a grossed out look on her face. I don't remember what my response was, or if I even gave any. Just based on that reaction, is why I can see companies still have dress code policies. Because you will always have the people that judge and look at appearances over the actual person.

I just needed a pic for this blog and I couldn't find a good quote :-)

Crazy Rat Lady

Crazy Cat lady
A popular stereotype referring to a subpopulation of older single woman who, by circumstance or choice, replace personal and social relationships and human interaction with feline companionship.

So now you have to just change "cat" with "rat" and that pretty much sums me up. Baby Dinosaur has replaced my need for human interaction. I'm not to the point where I carry on conversations with her or anything. But sadly I think I'm almost there. You don't normally play with a rat the same as you would a cat, but she does keep me company. 
I watch the ladies I work with shop for their kids at the store and do you think I wish I had kids to buy cute shit for... NOPE! but I do buy random shit for Baby Dinosaur. Of course not that she will wear it, but just seeing what I can do/make from it to provide Baby Dinosaur with a cozy place to sleep in or something she can play with. 
Take the first pic for instance. A soft baby jacket on clearance. I turned it into a pouch to carry her in. Sewed the bottom and the arms and clipped an old purse strap to it, and bam! Rat purse! and look the pockets can carry treats in them. But it's not only things I buy that I use for her. I've brought boxes and cardboard tubes home to make her things to crawl through. 
Seriously my rat is spoiled. 
I work next to a Petsmart so it's easy for me to linger in there and see what new treats they have. I just counted it and I have 11 bags of different treats for her. Oh shit nevermind, 13, 2 were on the floor. Oh don't get me wrong, I do treat her like a child in the part of eating her normal recommended rat food diet stuff as well. She will pick out the ones she likes and leave the rest. I won't give her treats until she eats more of the pellets she doesn't like. When she does, then she gets treats again. 
I worry that she will live the normal domesticated rat life expectancy of only 2 years. When I got her back in September of last year I was told she was about a year old. With a healthy diet and good exercising habits rats can live longer. She doesn't run on her exercising wheel so I've plugged up the drain hole on my balcony and I try to let her run around out there for a bit as much as I can. I don't let her stay out there by herself for fear of something coming and snatching her up, or it being to hot/cold. And the daytime sun light being too bright for her eyes.

According to the Guinness Book of World Records the oldest documented rat was 7 years old when it died. But they don't know exactly what made him live that long but I'm shootin' to keep Baby Dinosaur alive that long. I doubt by then anything in my life will change. No boyfriend/husband/kids. So sad. lol. not really, yeah it is... NO IT'S NOT!
I <3 Baby Dinosaur!!!

Home... *sadface*

When you're growing up in a town that is so far away from the nearest normal teenager amenity you wish for big things to be built closer. When talks came of plans to build a mall and movie theater I was jazzed about it. What the heck did I know. Although I lived by beaches and parks; malls and movies were my vice.
"Keep the Country COUNTRY" was not a motto or petition I cared about. It's sad when I think about it now because growing up and not fully appreciating the land you are raised on is disheartening. You don't take notice until your brain grows a hand and slaps you in the face. My brain grew that hand... not really, that would be freaky. Anywhooooos....
Because of the beaches and surf North Shore of Oahu always got attention by tourists. Traffic going in and out of the town was always backed up to the point where they built a bypass because residents were always in traffic just going home. After the bypass was built local businesses started to feel the impact. Being a resident, I loved that bypass. Home town was quiet, less douchey tourists around town and I wasn't a business owner so I could have cared less. You notice the most change in country areas. The once quiet towns now tourist riddled. Lets say if more touristy stores were built in downtown, no one notices of course cuz that's their norm. But since then, I don't know actual statistics, but I feel like Hale'iwa businesses has gotten exactly what they wanted. More stores popped up and the Tourists came back.
I went back home 2 years ago. I know I've spoke about this before, but it does sadden me still. My home town was unrecognizable to put it harshly. I came back to Kam highway between Weed Junction and Rainbow Bridge pretty much looking like the Vegas Strip (ok maybe not that bad). Tourists walking where ever the fuck they want to. Cars driving? they don't care, they'll just walk across the street. People walking around tipsy and obnoxiously loud with drinks in their hands. OK maybe I'm exaggerating, and it was just some non-alcoholic frilly drink, but they sure as shit acted like their cups were filed with some kind of booze.

My mindset and situation when I went back wasn't the best to begin with, so I'm sure that pretty much clouded my view of trying to enjoy the time I got to spend with family in my home town. I can bet anyone that lived on the North Shore, moved away then recently went back for a visit was devastated with what they went back to see. Dramatic you say?... maybe, but I grew up there in the 80's. I know how much changes that side of the island went through.

Yeah, some will say, but you moved away from home. You moved to Vegas, you have no say in anything. I left home because I followed a guy. If I didn't, I would have never left home I would have stayed in my comfort zone. When you think of Vegas you always think of the Strip right? clubs, partying, gambling. Tourists galore. I live in a quiet neighborhood. Normal, like living in town back home, (not my country hometown tho). As easy as it is to go down to the Strip, I don't. I keep to myself. Does my living now have a lot to do with the way I was brought up? I think it does. You come from relaxed, laid back country town and when you're brought up by a no drama family it tends to rub off on the next generations. But that's just me and how I feel about that.

*My mom is very adventurous and an amazing photographer. She goes around the island and takes awesome pictures. These were all taken by my Mom.

Grow plant! GROW!!!

I get excited for the little things. This sprout for instance. I planted it about a week ago.  Left the pot on my balcony sill. Watered the dirt a couple of times since then and when I went out there this morning I had a sprout! I didn't know seeds have an expiration date and this expired back in 2013 so I really didn't think anything was going to grow but figured since my aloe plant finally had enough of my forgetfulness and died when I left him outside when it was freezing, I'd use the pot and soil for something else.
The little sprout is a Zucchini. In 48 days I'ma be chompin on a long, 8"...... mmmm nvmd, I won't finish that.
I have a pack of tomato seeds too, maybe if I plant those in the same pot now they'd grow about the same time. Would be funny if two tomatoes grew along with my zucchini. How sad is it that I turned an innocent story of how awesome of a plant thingy grower I am, and I turn it dirty. And not dirty like the dirt in the pot. Alright I'm done.

Multiple uses for stuff

There is so many things you have in your house that you can use as other things.
Be creative and resourceful with what you already have. I don't go out and buy a lot of things. I love to reuse or even overuse what I already have. Kinda sounds like a pretty bummy thing to do when I think about it.  I guess it's easier to do when you live by yourself, don't go out too much and you don't have to worry about taking care of anyone else.
I'm not preaching eco-friendly ideas here or anything. As much as I like my own ideas I do get influenced by a lot of things I see advertised. But it's more of the simpler things.
Nothing flashy or expensive. Nothing I buy or get and show off to people with the intention of bragging rights. Even if I were rich I don't think I would do that. Like "oh that's the newest car on the market, I'm gonna get it" or "everyone is buying that, I'm gonna get it too".  I know people that think that way, and trust me I'm not knocking it. I'm just saying that thats not my mind set.
I am more comfortable in being a cheap ass shopper and saving my money for other stuff. Or buying things and thinking of other uses after it's initial intended purposes. My first thing I'd like to share. I have a lot of pants that don't fit anymore and I have no intention on throwing them away (I know I should donate them) but I thought of a way to make use of them. I cut part of the pants leg and hooped it around Baby Dinosaur's walking platform and now it's her favorite sleeping hammock. She loves it. She sleeps nowhere else but in there. I like it better because it keeps her off of the gross cage floor. Not that I let it get terribly gross, but any little rodent owner knows, you don't change the bedding everyday, but your animal does pee and poop everyday. But anyways...
I remember doing this next one back home before.
I had a bunch of bandanas. It's getting the warmer summer time weather and as much as I can use a bandana to actually put up my hair, I decided to turn it into a top. Not an original idea of course. I know I've seen it and then did it. So much cooler then a shirt to be honest.  BUT, lets just say, If I lived with someone I would NOT wear it around the house unless I lose more weight. lol fo reals.
Next shirt. Shirts too big? too much holes in them so you don't wanna wear them out. Don't throw it away! I cut strips in them around the back that not only makes it airy, but if they're also too big, cut the strips down the middle and tie them together. Might seem like I've kept ex's shirts for sentimental reasons, not the case. they're so comfy and I'm too cheap to buy new shirts just to use it at home.
When I go out and see tights/leggings on clearance at stores I buy them. I usually buy them to use them at work to cover my tattoos, but sometimes I play with them at home first. Anyways after the legs are cut off I still have the waist area. what will I use this for?. Light bulb! It gets used for a hair wrap. It's elastic and light and most importantly it's cheap!!!
I'll even shop for food items thinking of the other uses I will have for the containers they come in. Jars, plastic containers, dispensers, etc. Can I reuse those things after the contents are all gone? glass peanut butter jars I can use as cups, Mayo jars I can fill with water and use for an ashtray on my balcony.
I'm someone who is satisfied with regular filtered tap water. Brita or Pur filters are good enough for me. I don't buy cases of bottled water I'll just save the bottles that I get if I buy drinks when I'm out and refill those and fill my fridge with them.
Haha, the more I'm typing the more I'm sounding cheap and poor. Oh well. I'm satisfied and that's all that matters.

What is Normal? I do what I want

If you're not use to it by now I really don't think you ever will be.
Will I ever change? probably not.
If someone ever told me to change or keep my mouth shut because I was way too open with my thoughts I wouldn't get upset at them. I simply wouldn't offer a response and walk away.
If it's not hurting anyone then what's the problem?
Yeah it might alienate some people from hanging out with you, or even want to be associated with you, but that's when you say, "well I'm better off". If they can't accept you for the weird, oddball that you are, well then think about it more of, why waste your time and effort on THEM?
I never understood the ones that put down things people like, yet the things they like, most would make fun of. And then when someone does make fun of whatever they're into, they get all bent out of shape if someones hating on it. Did that make sense? it did to me.

I have major mood swings, Nothing that I lash out at anyone or throw things around the apartment. I think it's just disagreements with the multiple personalities that I harbor in my head.  I could be bubbly and air headed one minute thinking of nothing but clouds and all the things that are sweet, and then get a really sour taste in my mouth and start to go dark and think of everything that's wrong with my life, the world, minor issues. I always say minor issues because nothing that I ever think of is ever major. I know because it's your own issues you always think it's the biggest problems in the entire world. but it's not. I get over myself real quick. I think some people see me as self centered and possibly full of myself. Meh maybe.
I don't think my views or opinions are better then anyone elses. I just choose to share them. My last post I talked about my love of reading daily journals that people write. I haven't been reading a lot but as much as I enjoy reading what other people do on a day to day basis and what they think about, I like going back and reading the shit I went through. I think it's healthy for someone to keep a diary or a journal and just jot down things you've done everyday. To be honest I've tried to start religiously doing it, but slacked off. It is time consuming and usually unless I have consecutive days off I never get anything down . I had an Angelfire account that I seriously put everything down. Several years ago I went back and read it. My way of thinking and feeling has changed. The way I see things and the way I accept things. I think changed for the better, but I loved seeing and understanding that progress.

I take pride in making people laugh and putting a smile on their face at the expense of my own dignity sometimes. Does it take a lot to try to do that? Not really. But I have to be honest. If I never actually tried, I would post nothing.
I'm not saying that my facebook is fake and full of shit just trying to entertain people. It has everything I love, Wow screenshots,  dumb videos, pictures of friends and families, selfies, my friends pages.
My friends list are people that I actually know. I don't seek to get a shit ton of people on there that I have no idea who they are. Of course when you use it for networking, that's a different story. I didn't use it to stir up trouble, drama, and gossip. I don't use it to humiliate anyone (just myself) or "talk shit" about anyone. Good grief, as immature as I am, I think I'm a little too old for all the high school crybaby shit talking. OK that got old quick. All done talking about this.... and for my last thoughts....
I'll put a link to my Video page on here. If I ever try to steer away from posting them on Facebook again. I didn't post some on FB for a little bit but that died down quick. I figure this way I won't be shoving them on people's home feeds. Not like I'm twisting anyones arm to watch them on FB but I'll leave the choice to them.
Mom, save this link just incase you don't see anything posted on Facebook for a while and you want to check up on me without me knowing. haha.
Click link:  Skully's Videos

EDIT: I see a problem. you can't view the videos on that web page on mobile. Sorry

The Human mind

The human mind always intrigues me.
The way we think, the things we think about, the actions we do and the reasons behind those actions.
My favorite things to read are journals, diaries, life stories. People's everyday lives.
Not to the point of snooping into peoples rooms and stealing their diaries, but simply the ones that choose to share it with the world. Like "Live journal" or duh "Blogger" here. Some have nothing to hide and some have everything to hide but need a way to get their thoughts out for someone to hear so they post anonymous. Just to hear feedback from others, and people telling them it's ok. I respect those people only because they are searching for help knowing that the internet will hold no punches. People on the internet are crass and they will tell you like how it is. If you're looking for advice and opinions in the most unforgivable way, public forum is the perfect spot for you and you better be ready to accept everything that is said. I am not part of the collective vocal internet opinionated people. I read, and I try as much as possible to soak in and empathize.
My mind is in a constant state of wondering why people do the things that they do. Internet reading has a lot to do with that. Social media to be exact. Trying to read into things people say, why are they sad? why are they mad? why did they say that? etc. When you're vague about things expect people to come up with their own conclusions. When you choose to be vague while posing, expect those "Oh this is about me huh?" reactions.   If you want to eliminate that, then go ahead and use names, cut's out that iffy middleman.

As much as I claim I my brain is tiny and full of nothing but clouds and cotton candy (aw man, now I wanna eat my own brain), I do know that's not true. I love it when people say that they can "read me". They think they always know what I'm thinking and how I'm feeling by my body language or my general reactions. My answer is always the same. "yes, you are right" it's easier to say that then my actual opinion and thoughts. No one has time to listen to me. And to be purely honest, no one cares about my actual opinion, and I've accepted that. When you come across so many people that care nothing for your feelings and your opinions its easy to treat everyone the same, It will always be about them and what they need and what's going on in their lives. And sadly I cater to that. I will do what I can to make someone happy and feel good even if for a couple of hours. Well fuck, I just described a hooker...but anyways... Maybe that one person will come along and actually give those 2 shits about your opinion but you will never know because you completely block that part out. I don't verbally talk to people about my feelings. I do it here. Typing things out and letting people read it at their own choice and leisure if they want to, it's easier. and I've lived in my virtual internet world long enough to be comfortable with it. I have nothing negative ever said to me about the things that I choose to share, the few emails I do get from them are always positive. People agree with what I have to say. And my goofy posts are for entertainment purposes. And always puts smiles on peoples faces, which is my ultimate goal with those. My weight loss blog is more of motivation, a "this is what I did" blog, maybe it will work for some. Letting people know that it is a terrible struggle and they're not alone.

It sounds weird, and I'm sure I'm not the only person to feel or think this way. I don't really know how to word it. I think everyone is a student of themselves. You learn from yourself, you learn from your mistakes for most people, and you evolve as the years go by. Things happen in your life, be it terribly shitty things or amazingly wonderful things. You learn from every experience you come across. Now this is where I'm stuck at. Do you change the shitty things? or do you stay a glutton for that punishment and continue with the emotion numbing torture? The ones that choose to stick to the things that cause you harm or heartache are not bad people. It's what they are used to and the brain tells them that that is the norm. And what they are comfortable with because they know no other way.  They cry, they say never again, but in a week or two they're back at the same things. Lost causes. It's not that they feel like they don't deserve to be happy, they do, They just don't know how to. The strong stand up and change. I am weak in that aspect.
I'm all for change, change for the better, Change because you want to and not because someone told you to. If you were on a path that was destructive in some way towards yourself or others then you better change motherfucker! Do I believe that people can change? If they want to bad enough, then yes. If they don't want to change, then I won't help. Someone has to change for themselves first. They need to want to, and have remorse for the people that they hurt. Even if it was physically or emotionally hurting themselves, they have remorse for the hurt that they caused their loved ones watching them go through it. I despise people that have no remorse for others.
I have a very eccentric imagination. I put most of my thought and ramblings out for people to read. And as much as I do publicly post, I know what to keep to myself. For the most part I think about repercussions from what I say. I've never said anything damaging to anyone, if anything all the frowning upon and the openness for judgement falls on me. That's the idea behind sharing things about yourself for people to read. But I've also been told that it helps in a lot of ways as well. Makes people not feel like they are alone and they have the same thoughts and opinions as you.

(I am so scatter brained that I don't usually stick to topic and I tend to jump around the page, plugging in thoughts here and there. I have to learn to stop posting this apology on almost every entry, you all should be aware of this by now.)