I never was one to speak ill of online dating sites or the people that chose to sign up. However I never thought I would be making an account on one of them.
Talking with friends that have had successful relationships as a result of a dating site, started to get me hopeful. For people that have full time jobs, single parents that have kids that don't have the time to go out to social events and mingle, or who would rather talk to someone and get to know them before they meet. All these factors I've never thought about.
But then there is the other side of it. The side that will actually come with the whole dating scene whether it be online or in person at a club. You will get your fair share of pervs. I've heard those cringe worthy stories from friends as well.
I stayed away from them for so long, and I'm still leery about it. But I did give in last night. I signed up for Zoosk. The free version of course, cuz I'm so damn cheap and I don't know how the profile thing works. If I want to put my full effort into this then I will pay for the damn thing, but for now my half-hearted attempt at this online dating thing will be free for now.
I started to think why did I do it? Why did I choose to give in now?
Loneliness?
While everyone around me are happy in relationships, I am happy in my solitude, I really am, but yes, it does get lonely. When I think of the fact that I do like to be by my myself a lot, does this mean that a "serious" relationship won't work because I will want them to leave me alone for a bit. Yeah, then that won't work. I got dumped 2 years ago because I liked my solitude. That was a 6 year relationship. I pushed and pushed and closed off and he finally had enough, I don't blame him for it. I see this process continuing through my next relationship if I have one, unless this guy can hold my attention, I'm doomed to be alone.
I don't know what I want.
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6/16/14 - Update
So Zoosk is not free anymore for me. I paid the 1 month sub. After paying it, I immediately realized what a waste of money I just spent. After the month is over, I will not renew my sub. I don't know what I was thinking. Like I said earlier, I have no idea what to do on those sites, what to say, how to say it. I'm terrible at promoting myself (cuz that's just what you're doing). I'm comfortable writing things out yes, but making myself sound likeable and being honest about it is rather hard. I have a terrible habit of reverting everything to a joke. It's a defense mechanism to be honest. If I'm faced with a question I have a hard time answering truthfully, most of the time I get nervous and I hide behind humor.
Like I got asked the question, "What are you looking for?"
I immediately typed back "My cigarettes, I thought I left them on the counter"
I knew he was asking what I was looking for in a partner. I eventually answered maybe not truthfully. But I did say "I don't know, I have no expectations" It was partially true. I say go out a couple of times and see what comes of it. But I think my indecisiveness scared him away.
I realized that dating sites are not for me. Does it seem like I'd just talk to anyone?... not really I'm terribly shy and when I get the request to chat. I freak out like a little bitch and say "decline". Don't know what's wrong with me. That's what you signed up for idiot. But when a cute guy wants to talk to you and you chicken out. Way to fail hard. Oh yeah and you know whats funny, Zoosk has the "smartpicks" where they pair you up with people that you have the most in common with... Tell me why I am getting all people that looks like they are all into themselves? like seriously, meat heads that have profile pics of themselves lifting weights or flexing infront of the mirror /sigh I don't think I answered the questions like a meathead lover. So to reiterate my point... Skully + dating sites = no bueno.
I noticed why I gravitate to the younger men (not like statutory young). I have more in common with them, which is sad because they say that boys mature slower then girls. I'm a tomboy, a gamer, I'm girly to a point, but I do spit and swear like a sailor, and I'd say I've matured just as slow as a boy. Career wise, I'm not where a 33 year old woman is supposed to be. Oh yes, I can grantee there are a lot of women out there my age and in the same boat as me. It's just depressing when I think about it. But I live my life answering to no one and doing whatever I want. And for the most part I am happy.
I have no kids, I have no husband (let alone a boyfriend), I have no career aspirations, I have no intention of pursuing a promotion at my job. Men my age want that in their partner, a career driven women. I just want someone who can take care of themselves, cuz I do just fine supporting myself. A good job, and no dramas. Oh and penis size... size matters. fo realz. And you would think I was joking right there... but I wasn't.
