Yesterday I had a day full of random, goofy webcam videos made. some uploaded to FB and some onto a page on this blogger.
This morning when I woke up I made more videos and the bug for doing these seemed to be fading.
I guess you can say I'm a ham, but the more I watched myself the more I got annoyed.
I don't know what it is.
Listening to my voice? Looking at my face? Hearing my opinions and thoughts repeated back to me out loud?
I'm not always an impulse driven person. I like to plan things out. If you come to me and say "hey, lets go out tonight!" most likely I'm gonna say "yeah, no". If it wasn't planned way in advance, I won't bite. Not like I have anything important to do, but sadly going home and sitting at my computer and playing WoW is considered "plans" to me.
Anyways, I kinda got off track there. impulse, riiiight. I post things on impulse. I do and say things on impulse. I never regret what I do or say in the Vlogs/ vids, but I watch and get tired of my face. I made that video page as an impulse that I am quickly getting tired of.
The only thing that would keep me doing it is the feedback I get. Friends on FB and just random people from Blogger site that comment or send me emails/messages on how they can relate to what I have to say makes them not feel so weird or out of place in this very judgmental world. The way I can poke fun at myself and point out every weird thing I do in the most innocent of ways. Or just having people tell me "I enjoy what you are doing","I enjoy listening to what you have to say... you make me laugh". The more I think about it, I have to look at it as, I am the "norm". I am the average girl (old lady w/e). I'm just like more and more girls/ladies around these days so STOP referring to myself or the things I do as being "weird". You will always get your narrow/simple minded people that will never stop referring to you as "dumb", "weird", "stupid", "odd". And this is why you get the introverts, the loners the ones that refuse to be social with anyone or make new friends because the fear of being called all those things and possibly things that are more hurtful. When you have people like that, that don't talk very much that aren't social... these are the ones that built their defensive wall so high to protect themselves, and won't let anyone in because they have been shunned by peers in the past. It's terrible but it happens. I never demean anyone for their choice to keep to themselves. It is of their own choice, and at times, err a lot of times, I can relate.
You know what, here's the impulse coming in. I started this entry off with the intention of letting everyone know I will be stopping my video page... but that last paragraph just pointed out why I do it... and I enjoyed doing it. I really don't stick to topic, but the gist gets out so I will end this here.
