Sleep or lack there of

I haven't had a full nights sleep in so long. Three to Four hours of sleep a night is not bad. At least I'm getting sleep right? Seven to eight hours of deep sleep is what you're supposed to be getting. I still function fine on the sleep that I get. It's not totally terrible yet, but it's just not good for the body and mind.
Getting too little sleep can have serious health consequences, including depression, weight gain, and heart disease. Yeah, not good. But there's so many reasons why people get little sleep or don't sleep at all. I understand there are valid reasons why. Working late, studying, etc. For those, it's not every night. The off nights they will catch up on their sleep, I shall assume :-)

I haven't been gaming much lately so that's not whats keeping me awake. Weight gain isn't an issue, it's actually slowly dropping. The heart disease worries me because smoking along with taking "the pill" it also increases risk of heart disease. I always say depression is a choice and I choose not to be depressed so that's not an issue. Denial about that last one maybe?... meh, maybe that's a topic for another time... maybe. And my immune system is just fine. As far as I can tell, I'm not easily susceptible to illness. Headaches, tummy aches, yeah, but nothing serious. geez, now that I mentioned it, I might get sick... ohhh well, maybe I can finally use my sick time. soo kidding.

I don't not sleep on purpose. I love sleep. If I know I can sleep in late, I try as much as possible to do it. I set my alarm for a good 8+ hours. Most times I wake up before my alarm and I can't fall back asleep. Or I get into bed at a decent hour and just can't fall asleep so I get up and do something, I don't like just laying in bed. The mind wanders and for some fucked up reason all the depressing things in your life comes rushing into your head. The things that during the day you try to occupy yourself with something else to keep them out of your head. And that's when you get out of bed to try to occupy your mind with something else be it TV, HULU, Netflix, video games, reading, writing WoW stories, making dumb videos, playing facebook bingo while smoking on your balcony... hehe.
But in all seriousness, like I said, I don't do it on purpose. I know I get tired, I know I'm tired during the day and normally I can fall asleep like a friggen baby. I know what will help. I know alcohol knocks me out, but I don't wanna take that route and I have thought about trying over the counter sleep aids. If it gets worse and I end up not sleeping at all then I will resort to that. But for now the sleep I get is good enough.

Love quotes

I liked these... so it's just an entry in itself.
No need for me to explain anything.
I have no feelings to express on the topic aside from these...
:-)

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and these next ones are just because they were funny to me and to lighten the mood a bit

These are not Skully's cookies!!

The downside of having a long break away from work is that my mind wanders. Not destructive thoughts or anything, but just reflecting on everything going on in my simple yet complicated bubble that I live in. I guess in some way it is considered self destructive. A lot of hind sight goes on in my head. I don't dwell on the past but I take it as a learning experience. It's just a matter of me sticking to it in the present.
As much as I wanna play the victim, really I'm not. I've done my fair share of lying and hurting others, and of course I've been lied to and hurt myself. I'm no angel, come on, nobody fuckin is. From alligator tears to staying with someone because it was comfortable even though both sides knew there was nothing there anymore and then me taking full blame when it all went to shit. But like I said, learning experience. Each mistake I take to the next.

I am complicated to read I know. I think I want one thing one minute and then it can change at the drop of a dime. Everyone has issues whether you want to admit it or believe it or not. So I'm not writing this pointing out my issues pretending like people reading this thinks I'm fuckin nuts. Y'all are just as nuts as I am. You just have bounderies and choose not to share them. lol. That is the actions of a normal person I'm sorry to say. And I... am not normal :-P I'm kidding, I'm completely normal.
Anywhos, I find it funny when people say that they know what I was thinking or feeling. Sometimes they're right, but most times they're not and I don't have the heart to tell them they were wrong. That's not lying... is it? eww maybe it is. I guess it is when I agree and say "yes, you are right".
In my defense these actions do not come until I feel that I've been wronged. In any way. In any little white lie. I give every opportunity to be honest and when that terrible gut feeling comes in, yeah the girls know what the fuck that feeling is (and they're usually right), that's when I shut down, and start to find every single tiny reason It won't work just to make myself feel better. It don't matter the effort I gave in the beginning, that's never good enough. Then I will shut down and not fully care. Alligator tears mixed in with real ones... but give me about a week and it will completely go away.
Now I'm all about signs and subconscious reasons, etc... Aunty Patty made me these awesome cookies. She has that edible ink printer that you can put pictures on cakes and other stuff. People back home started to call me Pinky after I colored my hair pink. The name stuck for a while. Few people still call me that, but it's not the current. Skully took over the nickname spot for the past 5 years. Everything is Skully now. Why was Pinky put on the cookies instead of Skully. Well Aunty Patty calls me Christine so that really doesn't count. It's not a big deal or anything, but this is where I say signs come in. When I was back home, I'm not saying I was a ho or anything, but I didn't let much bother me or get me down, and guys didn't phase me much. So getting back to my cookie point. My sign just came in the form of a cookie. I need to bring Pinky's guy mentality back. She cared to a point, but she never got hurt. A 6 year relationship takes a toll on you and fucks with your feelings towards the next person making you want more from someone, but you really don't... I had a momentary lapse in judgement recently. oops, my bad.

Encyclopedia ramblings

Why the heck does a book set of the Encyclopedia Britannica cost so damn much!?!??!
actually I know why it costs so much. it's because the special glue they use to glue the books together. fricken kidding
Anywhos, there's so much information in those books. It's actually a small price to pay for so much knowledge.
I know you can find any information on the internet but I wanna learn about stuff and not have to sit at a computer and read. I would get side tracked with WoW, Hulu and Netflix. And yes I'm easily distracted by those 3 things. 
I remember having a set when I was a kid. Reading them and learning about random things starting with beginning of the alphabet. never finished it of course. So really if anyone asks me what is my favorite book, I'd say it's the Encyclopedia. oh shit, the dictionary is not far behind tho.
Just because I say school isn't for me doesn't mean I don't like to learn new things.
To not want to learn new things is rather depressing. I always say I'm not book smart, but I know some random useless information shit. Imagine if I had a set of the current encyclopedia... holy shit I'd be so smart... you know I'm kidding. My tiny brain wouldn't retain any of what I read. :-P

Maturity

Maturity does not come with age. I know many people younger then me that are mature far beyond their years and of course you have the older ones that have not one mature bone in their body. Ones reactions to things, how they conduct themselves, and how they act towards other people are just a few things that shows how mature someone is. There are certain things people can be mature about and certain things that they don't handle well. Do they realize how awful they look right now? or do they not give a shit.
I make my observations and I have my opinions but I really have no room to judge anyone for how mature they are being. As far as knowing how to conduct myself when something doesn't go the way I planned, or hoped for that matter, I think I do well at controlling my emotions now even though I want to scream and throw a fit (maybe not that drastic, but you get my point) and then as far as the things I do and choose to share I am far from mature in that department. I always say my apartment looks like a little girl lives here. hehe. Childlike if you will. No adult theme to my decorating at all. :-)  But that's immature in a different way then the point of this entry anyways.

It's not even a matter of caring what others think of you, it's a matter of how you want to show that yes I can handle shitty situations. Taking ownership for the results and not blaming everyone if something went wrong. You let it go, move on and you know what you need to do to change things.
I have my moments, I honestly do. I remember when I used to share it with the facebook world. Slipping into a depression over something and then emo attention posting on facebook didn't make it any better. But you get hurt, and I understand that. Then reality sets in and you realize that wasn't the way to handle things. Wasn't very mature was it? Not really but you needed that. Venting is ok, But be aware of how you're doing it. Because I can tell you right now, not everyone is receptive of the way people choose to vent their frustrations... just comes off as immature and you come off looking very childish. I try not to slip down that path again.

When I really think about it, I have friends that would be there yes, but because I think about everyone else's feelings before my own, Why would I want my friends to have to worry about me, an adult, and the shit that's going on in my life. They have their own lives, why do I want to bring my issues into their lives. I guess that's what friends are for. Its funny because I feel terrible when I drop shit on my friends but I always welcome them to vent to me anytime that they need. Everyone needs to vent and share their feelings. To have someone to just talk to helps a lot as well. I talk to friends but I talk to myself mostly... and it helps... crazy.   :-P

Selfish

This word always is looked at as a negative.
When we think of the word right off the bat, we think of people not sharing, only caring about themselves, lacking consideration for others. When you put it like that then shit yeah it sounds horrible.
We never think about the positive side of being selfish. Sometimes you just have to. If you like being a doormat the rest of your life then yes... live a selfish free life by all means. I know there's another term for it, but I ain't smart so I don't know what it is. So I'll just stick with selfish. But anyways ya'll know what I'm saying... Don't just pass something great up because you're too nice and think others will see you as a twat for pushing yourself to get it before anyone else.

I won't be talking about only being selfish with material things either.
Job promotions for instance. If you are up for the promotion, but decline it because you think it's selfish to push hard to get it. NO! life don't work that way little missy, you go for that shit!

Someone you know wants to borrow money and say's she'll pay you back... You know you ain't gonna see that money again so you say no. And she calls you selfish.... Of course it is, but it's also smart.

Now this is a tough situation here. You have a tray of 5 chocolate cupcakes you were gonna eat yourself. Fat dog in the corner has a bowl with none... are you gonna give fat dog some cupcakes?... you know what, in this case it's ok to be selfish.
a) chocolate will KILL him... and b) he's a fat dog and don't need cupcakes.
So see good selfishness on your part. Well I guess it kinda falls into being a good pet owner more so, but meh!!!

And finally my 'selfish with people example'. If you are seeing/dating 2 people at the same time, and those 2 people want to start seeing other people and still see you at the same time, is it selfish for you to say "NO you can't!" Well for fuck sake of course it's being selfish!... don't be selfish!... slaves were freed a long time ago, you don't own them. Wait unless you really did buy them, like from a black market or something. Then yes, they are property and you may do what you please with them.
OK you all better know I was SOOOO kidding with that last one.
Buying people from the Black Market = Bad!!!

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just wanted to say that this was written after a night of no sleep.
SOOO just to get out my point after yet another inconsistent rambling the following quote pretty much sums up my initial intention of this topic.