waiiiit, technically that's how most of my entries go.]
To Envy something...
To Covet something that others have...To Want something that you just can't seem to get...
To Yearn for a feeling that you once had but let it slip away...
Not spiteful envy
To be envious is to be jealous
Not hateful jealousy... is there such a thing? I believe there is. Everyone envies those who has something that they don't have but desperately want. Not always material things. Like houses, cars, money, etc.
I envy those "happy relationship" people. The ones that found the person they want to care about and will get the same in return. To be needed and wanted and thought about everyday is what I envy that others have. I don't pity myself in that respect because I haven't found it yet. It might come and it might not. I am easily forgettable, and although I will give the effort, it's never returned. You want to try, yet the other does not want to. Then you lose the feelings because you don't want to chase something that doesn't want to be chased. You don't want to put anymore effort into something that will never be. You don't want to keep caring for someone that will never have the same feelings for you no matter how long you are willing to wait. They move on quickly and you're left wondering what the fuck just happened?To have someone that will look at you and think you are the perfect person for them. They want nothing else and no one else but you. They want to try for you. To make sure you are taken cared of. They want to make sure you're happy and make sure that they are the ones making you happy.
I am envious of this. I am envious of everyone in happy relationships. Like I said before it's not spiteful, hateful, jealous, mean envy... It's just something that I am happy that others have, and I want it too... eventually... maybe. Oh here a better example... so green is normally associated with envy... soooo think of it like green with a little bit of pink splashed in there... oh shit wait, that just makes it look like puke... nevermind!!! scratch the happy envy color attempt. anywhos...
I thought about an internet meme that I seen a while back. I laughed at this the first time I saw it... Now I just feel bad... Poor Taylor Swift... I feel your pain. LOL... see I still laughed. Offtrack a bit: Although I'm not into her music, I watch her on late night talk shows, and she's just friggen adorable. but anyways...
Hey Fuck buddy!... done... *fist bump*... "now get out of my house"... I was sooo kidding it doesn't happen like that... TMI? don't care!
Maybe I should start having some self respect. Filter what I choose to share, keep whatever shread of dignity I have left... but that's no fun.
Geez, I just went totally off the topic... First I'm talking about that I envy people in committed relationships, then I'm over here joking about fuck buddies. aye, I seriously have like ADD or something. No it just goes back to humor hiding my pain and insecurities... Pshaw, look at that, Who says I need therapy... I can threapitize myself for FREE. and just FYI Therapitize is now a word in my dictionary. Cripes shut up already... nah...
Everyone that knows me knows I don't have a vindictive bone in my body. If something shitty happens in my life that would normally get a freak out moment by most. I just take it for what it is. Slap a smile on my face and bottle everything in for a while.I'm so over writing this one. my head hurts... now let me go find more quotes just for more space filler.
